Richard Bloss's picture


Richard Bloss comes to the conclusion that Russians worry about everything.

I love worrying. Honestly I do. I have this theory that goes something like: ‘If I'm not worrying, then I'm obviously missing something seriously tricky that if I wasn't so sure of myself, I would have recognised and thus prevented all sorts of disasters that will now hit me when I am least expecting it’.

You know the feeling, and I'm not alone, am I? It’s a bit like my fear of flying. If this flight is as smooth as smooth - then for sure the next one will be a roller coaster from hell. And if Life is really a bitch, then…well! I told you so, huh!!!

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I am getting all moralistic this morning. What can I say? There's a girl I know - let's call her Galina. She is having a party for a few close friends - almost a hundred in fact. Clearly this is no ordinary party. For two reasons. It is a wedding party, because Galina, bless, is getting married.

But also because, for Galina - life has been a struggle. The little flat she and her partner share, is not exactly in the best part of town. The metro out to Avalon deliberately goes nowhere near her little suburb. But this is the high point, it's the proof that she's made it, she going to have the best wine - even though her husband-to-be doesn't touch a drop of alcohol, bless him too - the biggest tables, and maybe there will be some sort of after-party, who knows. It's a celebration! And people will remember, long after the divorce in a few years time, this was a PARTY! We can look back and say, yes, this was a marker in the sand, when everyone came!

Richard Bloss's picture

So... Are You a Racist?

There's a young man at Liverpool Street train station. It is cold, he's tired, I'm tired and it is busy even for a Sunday evening and the last thing I need is some guy giving me a hard time. The young man's job is to open the barrier and I have lost my ticket. There are a lot of people around. Nobody wants to wait while I find my ticket. But after an eternity I find the small receipt and I wave it under the young man's nose. He takes no notice, so I tap him on the shoulder:

The young man spins round: "You touch me again, and you go to Court!"
The young man, of course, is black.

I am surfacing at Kings Cross tube en route to Heathrow: I have decided to break my journey. The guy opens the glass barrier and I take a quick coffee and I return to the tube station. The guy at the barrier has changed, but I explain:

"Look, your colleague let me pass...etc"
The barrier man is also black, and he smiles and laughs:

Richard Bloss's picture

RUSSIANS and HOUSES. All Property is Theft.

There's a girl I know who lives in a small village that I can't pronounce, just alongside the 4 lane highway that on a good day speeds you out of Kyiv towards Borispol airport. It's not her that interests me. It's actually her Mum and Dad. They live in a small detached house with two bedrooms, in one of the bedrooms they keep chickens. They grow potatoes in their garden, which they sell at the local market. Buy and sell. Sell and buy. The father repairs cars that happen to break down on the motorway near where they live. There are quite a few of those. I am not entirely sure I would want the Father to service my Volvo. His own Lada turns to the right whenever you turn the wheel to the left... They have been doing this for quite some time, and nothing has changed all the time I have known them.

Richard Bloss's picture

It’s Time to Have Fun! Really?

by Richard Bloss who explains why the Russian Festival “Maslenitsa” in London is so last year....

Richard Bloss's picture

Visa. Free for All

Ladies and gentlemen, a note has come across my desk that I believe I must share with you. In an unexpected announcement, it appears HM Government is to waive the requirement for Russians and Russian speaking nationals, to have a Visa when entering the UK. It will mean free access whenever you feel like it. The task of Immigration and monitoring the movement of individuals and likely visitors - will be outsourced to the ABC Supermarket chain.

It is felt that, since supermarkets already invade every aspect of our private life profile from our credit card payments, it will be a simple matter to extend this monitoring, to allow in only those people who spend more than a hundred quid a week on food.

Richard Bloss's picture

Gone for Lunch - Back in February

I never was a literary person. At least not in English anyway. I just can't get my head around the concept of seasons of mists and mellow fruitfulness. Please tell me: what is there to get romantic about a miserable grey day followed by another miserable grey day? It's a bit like waking up in the morning: ‘I try to smile first thing!’ You know, get over it, that sort of thing.

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Russians and Christmas ...How Good Can It Be?

Its that time again. It comes round every year. You know, the time when we worship the guy in a red suit from Coca Cola! The same advert appears religiously every year, usually around mid September, and there are the usual scenes of little kids’ faces alight in wonder at the sight of a big truck ablaze with lights travelling through the snow. I don’t think the truck comes from Bethlehem, but it is a sort of modern commercial twist on the arrival of the three kings with goodie bags.

Richard Bloss's picture

Russians and Money: ....And how is it for you?

Ok, it's true. I'm back. And you know what? I actually missed you. Yes, I was away for only a few weeks, but it felt like a lifetime - the sort of thing that you say to your girlfriend "it's not that I don't love you, honey, I just need some space" sort of thing, and then you realise that maybe it wasn't so bad after all. And then you find that they never stopped loving you either, so everything works out. Isn't that nice!

Anatoly Karlin's picture

Shopping in the US, UK and Russia

Here I am observing shopping, which tends to be an inherent part of a citizens’ life. Where do Americans, Russian and Britons shop?